“This is a hard saying! Who can hear it?”
Andrew turned his head toward the direction from which the voice came. The faces of the people were filled with dissatisfaction. They, too, had listened to Jesus’ words, witnessed miracles, and become His disciples. Although they were not among the Twelve, they followed Jesus with just as much zeal. From their mouths came sounds of complaint.
Although their words were provocative, Andrew could somewhat understand their hearts. After feeding such a large crowd in the barren fields near Bethsaida, Jesus still showed no particular action. At that time, there were people who wanted to make Jesus their king, but Jesus avoided them and went up the mountain alone, showing no interest in becoming king. Because of Jesus’ attitude, those who eagerly awaited the establishment of an independent Jewish kingdom could only grow more weary.
If even the Twelve, including Andrew, had not seen Jesus walking on the stormy Sea of Galilee, or had not heard the words, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” they might have joined in with the others, shouting the same complaints.
Andrew reflected on everything that had happened so far.
* * *
When the twelve of us disciples returned from our preaching journey, the disciples of John the Baptist came to Jesus and told Him about John’s death. They also brought news that Herod Antipas was uneasy about Jesus. After Herod had John the Baptist killed, he became fearful and thought that Jesus was John the Baptist resurrected.
“This is John the Baptizer. He is risen from the dead. That is why these powers work in him.”
From Herod’s point of view, I suppose such thoughts could arise. He had considered John a special man. But John the Baptist is John, and Jesus is Jesus. Both proclaimed the kingdom of God and called for repentance, but only Jesus could perform miracles that bring life. Even if John had come back to life, he couldn’t perform the same miracles as Jesus. Though both walked the path to the kingdom of heaven, John emphasized deeds, while Jesus emphasized following Him personally. This was the fundamental difference between them.
Regardless, John’s death was shockingly sudden. Knowing his character, he wouldn’t have lived a comfortable life and died peacefully in old age, but still, such a tragic death... Considering the importance of his ministry, I even wondered if God had taken him too soon. In that painful moment, when I felt the tears of those who had once been my companions and friends among John's disciples, I thought that if I hadn’t met Jesus through John, I might have been among them instead. Their sorrow was my sorrow; their tears were my tears. The only consolation was that John seemed to have known about his death in advance. He had said about Jesus, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” And he said that those who must testify to this were his own disciples. Truly, he was the Elijah who was to come, just as Jesus had said.
When Jesus heard about John’s death, He did not show much reaction. He only suggested that we leave Herod Antipas’s territory and go to a remote place near Bethsaida in Philip’s domain. Jesus traveled with us by boat, but as news spread among those traveling by land, by the time we reached the eastern side of the Sea of Galilee, many people from nearby villages had gathered there. Among the crowd on the shore were countless sick and suffering people, and Jesus got out of the boat and healed them all.
As the sick were restored to health, Jesus went up the mountain and taught us about the kingdom of God and many other things. Everyone was so focused on His words that no one left until evening. Philip and I were sitting close to Jesus when He suddenly asked Philip,
“Where are we to buy bread, that these may eat?”
Philip answered Him,
“Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may receive a little.”
Then other disciples came to Jesus and said,
“This place is deserted, and the hour is already late. Send the multitudes away, that they may go into the surrounding country and villages, lodge, and buy themselves food, for they have nothing to eat here.”
But Jesus smiled and said,
“They don’t need to go away. You give them something to eat.”
“Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread, and give them something to eat?”
Someone asked in surprise. But Jesus shook His head.
“How many loaves do you have? Go and see.”
We scattered to look for food, but everyone had already eaten what they brought. Then a child came to me and said,
“I have here two small fish and five barley loaves.”
The child must have brought this precious food, packed by his mother who was worried he might be hungry. The child did not hesitate to offer it to Jesus. I was grateful for the child’s pure heart, but I was worried as I brought it to Jesus. How could such a small amount feed so many people? So my words to Jesus were full of concern.
“There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two small fish, but what are these among so many?”
The other disciples came back empty-handed and saw the child’s food.
“We only have here five loaves and two fish—no more than that—unless we should go and buy food for all these people.”
But Jesus smiled gently and said,
“Bring them here to me, and have the people sit down—make them sit in groups of about fifty each.”
Again, the meaning was unclear to us. But having witnessed Jesus’ miracles before, we obeyed and arranged the people to sit down in groups of about fifty, as instructed. In some places, however, the groups were so close together that nearly a hundred people ended up sitting in one area. Meanwhile, Jesus gently patted the child’s head and praised him.
There was an enormous crowd—more than five thousand adult men alone sat on the grass. Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up to heaven, and blessed the food. Then He broke the loaves and gave them to us, the disciples, to distribute. We began handing the food out to the people. At first, we carried the food in small cloth bundles, but soon others brought baskets and filled them to the brim with bread and fish. Not only the twelve of us but also other disciples of Jesus joined in this endless procession. The feeding continued until everyone was full. It was a miracle that brought smiles to everyone’s faces. Jesus kept breaking the bread and fish tirelessly until all were satisfied.
Some people, amazed by this, tried to force Jesus to become their king. But Jesus sent them away and told us to get on the boat and leave first. Then He went up the mountain alone.
We traveled by boat through Bethsaida, then toward Capernaum and Gennesaret. But during the night, fierce winds and high waves on the Sea of Galilee brought us great suffering. After that difficult night, at dawn, we experienced a miracle we would never forget.
* * *
“It’s a ghost!” someone shouted.
I turned my head toward the cry. There, I saw a pale figure walking on the water. As the shadow came closer, everyone trembled with fear. Then a voice came from the figure.
“Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
It was the voice of Jesus, who had stayed alone on the mountain. When I heard His clear voice, my brother Peter shouted,
“Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the waters.”
“Come.”
My brother trusted Jesus’ voice and stepped out of the boat. Step by step, he walked on the water toward Jesus. He looked so joyful as he walked on the water like Jesus. But that joy lasted only a moment. When Peter looked away from Jesus, his feet suddenly sank into the water.
“Lord, save me!”
His desperate cry rang out across the waves. Jesus immediately reached out His hand and caught him. Then He said firmly,
“You of little faith, why did you doubt?”
Jesus pulled Peter up from the water and helped him back into the boat. And then, astonishingly, the wind stopped right away. The terrible storm vanished the moment Jesus came to us. Surprised by this, all of us in the boat, including myself, knelt down and said,
“Truly you are the Son of God.”
* * *
When we arrived near Gennesaret and Capernaum in the morning, many sick people from the surrounding villages came to Jesus, seeking healing. Like the woman who had suffered from bleeding, they begged just to touch the fringe of His garment, and everyone who touched it was healed.
After Jesus healed them all, He went to Capernaum and taught in the synagogue. At that time, some people from Tiberias arrived. They had taken several boats to the barren fields near Bethsaida, heard about Jesus there, and were now on their way back here.
“Rabbi, when did you come here?”
Jesus answered them and said,
“Most certainly, I tell you, you seek me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled. Don’t work for the food which perishes, but for the food which remains to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For God the Father has sealed him.”
Jesus spoke as if when or how He had come didn’t matter, focusing only on the work that leads to eternal life.
They asked Him again,
“What must we do, that we may work the works of God?”
“This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.”
“What then do you do for a sign, that we may see, and believe you? What work do you do? Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness. As it is written, ‘He gave them bread out of heaven to eat.’”
“Most certainly, I tell you, it wasn’t Moses who gave you the bread out of heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread out of heaven. For the bread of God is that which comes down out of heaven, and gives life to the world.”
“Lord, always give us this bread.”
Jesus was telling them to believe in Him, but they did not understand and instead demanded a miracle like the manna in the wilderness—food that could be obtained without labor.
Jesus said to them,
“I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will not be hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. But I told you that you have seen me, and yet you don’t believe. All those whom the Father gives me will come to me. He who comes to me I will in no way throw out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me. This is the will of my Father who sent me, that of all he has given to me I should lose nothing, but should raise him up at the last day. This is the will of the one who sent me, that everyone who sees the Son, and believes in him, should have eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day.”
Again, Jesus emphasized belief in Him rather than miracles. Even we disciples found His words hard to understand; how much more those who were not His followers? So someone among the crowd, probably from Nazareth, whispered,
“Isn’t this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How then does he say, ‘I have come down out of heaven?’”
Jesus answered them,
“Don’t murmur among yourselves. No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up in the last day. It is written in the prophets, ‘They will all be taught by God.’ Therefore everyone who hears from the Father, and has learned, comes to me. Not that anyone has seen the Father, except he who is from God. He has seen the Father. Most certainly, I tell you, he who believes in me has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread which comes down out of heaven, that anyone may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread which came down out of heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. Yes, the bread which I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”
The people then argued among themselves, saying,
“How can this man give us his flesh to eat?”
As Jesus’ words became even harder to understand, murmurs turned into loud objections and ridicule.
Jesus therefore said to them,
“Most certainly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you don’t have life in yourselves. He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood lives in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father; so he who feeds on me, he will also live because of me. This is the bread which came down out of heaven—not as our fathers ate the manna, and died. He who eats this bread will live forever.”
At this point, not only the crowd but also some disciples other than the twelve joined in the complaints.
“This is a hard saying! Who can hear it?” someone said as soon as Jesus finished speaking.
The words about eating the Son’s flesh and drinking His blood to have life and be raised on the last day were incredibly difficult to grasp. Jesus said He was the bread that gives eternal life—who could understand that? Could anyone eat His flesh and drink His blood? These words shook us like a violent storm at sea. Yet Jesus continued speaking.
“Does this cause you to stumble? Then what if you would see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? It is the spirit who gives life. The flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and are life. But there are some of you who don’t believe.” And He said, “For this cause I have said to you that no one can come to me unless it is given to him by my Father.”
Truly, if we had not experienced the storm the night before, I might have been angry with them too. In the cold, tense atmosphere, many disciples got up, gathered their clothes, and left. Some even glared at Jesus as they walked away. Only a few disciples remained in the synagogue. Jesus turned to look at me and the twelve and asked,
“You don’t also want to go away, do you?”
Peter answered Him,
“Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that you are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
His words were our words. How could we leave the Lord after hearing His voice asking why we doubted on the Sea of Galilee? I do not know how long this faith will last, but at least in this moment, it was our true heart.
But Jesus did not rejoice or praise us. Instead, He said something completely unexpected.
“Didn’t I choose you, the twelve, and yet one of you is a devil?”
Those words shocked us all, and our faces grew troubled. But the saddest one was Jesus Himself. Why would He say such a thing and be so sorrowful?
The passages from Matthew 14:2, 15-18, 26-33, Mark 6:35-38, Luke 9:12-14, John 6:5-10, 20, 25-70 quoted in this narrative are taken directly from the World English Bible (WEB) translation.
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