As evening fell, Joseph returned to Nazareth and heard that Mary had left to visit her relative Elizabeth. Even Mary's father, who had been working with Joseph, was taken aback, so one can imagine Joseph's feelings. Mary's father blamed his wife for suddenly sending their daughter away, but couldn't argue when told that she had gone to help Elizabeth, who was struggling with a late-life pregnancy. He tried to reassure Joseph that Mary would be fine since she left with the messenger, but Joseph felt as if he'd been struck with a blunt object.
Though Joseph understood intellectually that Mary couldn't ignore someone in need, emotionally he couldn't accept it. Mary's parents tried all through dinner to improve Joseph's mood, but his hardened expression wouldn't soften. This was completely out of character for him, but his disappointment in Mary, whom he had trusted, was that great. Joseph returned home and fell into thought. Why had she made such an important decision without consulting him? Was he so insignificant to Mary? Joseph tried to understand her actions, but simply couldn't. He felt hurt and couldn't bear the thought of being disregarded and unacknowledged by the Mary he loved.
The next day, Joseph's mood improved slightly. He concluded that brooding wouldn't change anything, and it was best to forget these feelings of rejection and disregard as quickly as possible, as he'd experienced them many times before. Though it was harder this time because it involved his beloved Mary, what could he do? Having lived a life full of disappointment and frustration, he knew the only way to handle such situations was to endlessly persuade and reason with himself.
So ordinary days resumed. Joseph acted as if nothing was wrong, reassuring Mary's parents. But whenever disappointment in Mary resurfaced, he would hide from others and struggle to convince himself. Apart from Mary's rights or wrongs, the bitter root remaining in Joseph-the emotions built up from a life of being disregarded and unacknowledged by others-continued to torment him. Ultimately, this was also disappointment in himself for allowing such treatment, so it wasn't an issue that could be resolved overnight.
No matter how hard Joseph tried to hide these feelings, they inevitably showed. Seeing him spaced out or occasionally flaring up, Mary's father comforted him by saying he'd scold Mary sternly when she returned. Joseph replied not to do that as it was his own problem, but seeing this genuine concern made him realize he couldn't continue living this way.
Though disappointment persisted at times, all he could do was stop blaming and pray for her safe return. As Joseph's prayers accumulated, nearly three and a half months passed.
* * *
With more work than usual, Joseph returned late, trudging wearily up the mountain path to Nazareth. Darkness had already fallen, with only soft moonlight illuminating his way. Mary's father had rushed home around lunchtime after hearing news from a Nazareth neighbor, saying there was an urgent matter at home and Joseph should return immediately. Joseph wondered if Mary might have returned, but since her father left without explanation, he thought probably not. He had brushed it off earlier due to being busy, but now climbing the mountain path alone, curiosity resurfaced. What could have happened? Worried that something bad might have befallen those who now felt like his own family, Joseph's pace quickened.
"I'm here. Did something hap-"
As Joseph hurriedly opened the door and entered, Mary appeared before his eyes as if by magic. He wanted to call out to her joyfully, but seeing Mary's father looking angrily behind him and her mother gazing sympathetically at her husband, he couldn't easily speak. Mary sat in a chair behind them, head bowed, arms wrapped around her belly. Now that he looked, Mary's belly seemed slightly swollen.
It can't be, right? Mary wouldn't do that. It's only been a little over three months. Mary just went to help a relative.
Joseph denied his thoughts. It was something that couldn't and shouldn't happen. Who was Mary? A person decisive in everything, doing only what was right by her own principles. She wasn't someone who would do wrong. For such a Mary to be pregnant before their marriage-it couldn't be. Yes, she must have just gained weight. That relative's family was said to be wealthy, so they must have fed her too well after not seeing her for so long. They should have been more moderate. Only her belly has grown. Just her belly. Haha...
Joseph tried to laugh heartily, but from the expressions of Mary's parents and Mary herself, he could tell that the impossible thing he had been thinking had indeed happened. Joseph turned away immediately.
"Joseph..."
Though he heard Mary's voice that he had so longed to hear, Joseph couldn't turn back. He bowed his head and began walking towards his house. The blue moonlight illuminating his path suddenly felt cold and sad. Should he have left like this on the day he first spoke with Mary? Was God punishing him for loving a woman above his station? The sorrow filling his heart flowed out as tears. Returning home, Joseph lay on his bed without even washing. Overwhelmed by unbearable emotions, he could do nothing. The image of Mary he had just seen kept flickering before his eyes. Joseph was devastatingly sad. If only he could wail loudly, he would have. But he couldn't even cry like that. The immense heartbreak covering his chest prevented any sound from coming out. Only the area around his heart ached terribly.
"Mary... why? No, how did this happen?"
According to the law, Mary should be stoned to death. The law does not forgive a woman who has acted impurely. Joseph was a man who kept the law well. By law, she must die. That was what the law he had so faithfully kept dictated. But his heart could not accept this. Whatever she had done, or whatever had happened to her, her death would leave an even greater wound on him. Mary dying? It could never be. Mary wouldn't have done this intentionally. Maybe something happened on the way, resulting in an unwanted pregnancy. If she got separated from her guide due to some incident, and was forcibly taken by Herod's soldiers or Roman soldiers, in a situation where no one could help her, then even by law she would be innocent. Joseph tried to imagine a scenario within the law where she wouldn't die. The only situation where Mary wouldn't die was if she had been forcibly raped in the fields. In that situation, where no one could help even if she screamed, even the law doesn't call it a sin. The person to be stoned would be not her, but the one who violated her. But what mattered was how people would receive this incident. Even if he said she was innocent, if they demanded evidence, there was no way. There were always people with religious zeal in any village. If they argued that she had just visited a relative, how could she have been in a situation where she couldn't ask anyone for help, he would have no answer. And if even this forced assumption he was trying to believe was attacked, Joseph wasn't sure if he himself could withstand it. If a betrothed woman didn't even scream for help in a situation where she could have asked people for help, or if she deliberately committed fornication, she must be killed without exception. That was what the law that had sustained Israeli society taught. Not just for him, but for all people living in this era, the law forced this conclusion.
Should he just say he was the child's father? No, he couldn't lie. How could he speak falsehood before God?
He saw no way out. Even if he claimed her innocence, without any evidence, it would mean nothing before the law. In this situation, Mary would have to be stoned to death by law. But Joseph absolutely did not want that outcome.
Yes... I'll break off the engagement. If I quietly leave this village, people will blame me, not her. Then she won't be harmed at all, right? Joseph had no choice but to reach this conclusion. Even if breaking off the engagement meant leaving this village where he had been happiest in his life, it was better than her dying. Even if he had to pay the huge penalty fee recorded in the marriage contract without having done anything wrong, it was better than her dying. If he was greedy, she would die. If he didn't give up, she would die. What wouldn't he do if he could save her? He didn't care if people blamed him. Even if his dreams were trampled and his heart was torn apart, even if he could never love again for the rest of his life, if only he could save her, he could endure anything. Hatred and heartbreak completely crumbled before his love for her. Even the law lost its power before love.
The only way to keep both the law and her was to quietly break off the engagement and leave this village. Yes, Joseph. This is the only way. The law didn't reveal which was true in this situation. There were two perspectives looking at the same situation. One was an accusatory gaze that would drive Mary to death. The other was a forgiving gaze that would save her. What Joseph chose was the only way to save her within the law.
If he quietly broke off the engagement and left Nazareth, the arrows of blame would come to him, not her. She would not be shamed within the law. Instead, he would probably become trash. Human garbage who seduced a well-behaved village girl under the pretext of marriage, got her pregnant, and then ran away.
Joseph chose to follow the law he had tried to keep all his life. However, he chose the love within the law, not the hatred that comes from it. The law was value-neutral from the beginning. There were only judgment clauses for certain situations, but what the person in question actually did was ultimately up to those judging. Even if he forgave Mary, if others tried to judge by that standard, he couldn't stop them. He was just a poor carpenter with no power. A lower class among the lower classes, not even as good as a farmer. Who would listen to him? Rather, becoming trash himself by breaking off the engagement and leaving like he was running away would be the only alternative to save Mary.
Joseph made up his mind.
Early tomorrow morning, he would meet Mary's father to discuss breaking off the engagement and leave Nazareth. Though he hadn't decided on a destination, he wanted to go as far from Galilee as possible. Going to Bethlehem, his family's land, might be good. Though it was a hometown where he knew no one, wouldn't there be a place for him to lay his head? Yes, living in Bethlehem wouldn't be bad. With the temple construction still ongoing, he could ask to work at the temple. Joseph forced himself up and packed his belongings. Though he had lived in Nazareth for quite a long time, when he tried to leave, there wasn't much to pack. The thought that this was because he had spent most of his time at Mary's house made his heart ache again, but there was no other way to save Mary. He had to leave.
While packing, he saw the wooden bowl that had caused this whole incident. Joseph hesitated whether to pack the bowl or not. It was a grateful bowl that had created such good memories for him, but he felt sadness would overwhelm him whenever he saw it after leaving Nazareth. After all, his love had failed. Joseph pondered for a long time before placing the bowl on the table. After finishing packing, he realized it had gotten very late. If he lay down on the bed to sleep, he felt he absolutely wouldn't be able to wake up early. Then he might have to meet not only Mary's father but the whole family. If he saw the pregnant Mary again then, he couldn't be sure how his current feelings might change. He might be overcome with disappointment and anger, and rush to say she should be killed. How difficult a decision this had been-he couldn't reverse it because of his own hurt. He had to save her.
Joseph sat at the table, trying hard to stay awake. But his body, exhausted from hard labor and mental fatigue, drew him toward sleep. With his eyes closed, Joseph shook his head slightly, then nodded off deeply once before startling awake. He forced his heavy eyelids open and slapped his cheeks several times to try to wake up, but before long his eyes closed again. How much time passed like this? Suddenly, a clear voice came to Joseph's heart. Like when he first heard Mary's voice, it was a voice that pierced through his confused and tired mind, imprinting itself:
“Joseph, son of David, don’t be afraid to take to yourself Mary, your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. She shall give birth to a son. You shall call his name Jesus, for it is he who shall save his people from their sins.”
Joseph opened his eyes. It wasn't the tired, sorrowful gaze from before, but a lively gaze. Was this how Adam's eyes looked when God breathed life into him? At the very moment of his deepest despair, God had answered him. The voice he heard in his dream continued to resound in Joseph's heart. That voice felt as if God was gently comforting him, saying He knew Joseph's heart completely, so everything was alright-don't worry. Joseph shed tears of joy and gratitude. Knowing there was no problem in taking his beloved as his wife, what more was there to worry about? God had accomplished His work through Mary and himself. So He would continue to accomplish it in the future. Such certainty kept welling up endlessly in Joseph's heart.
The passage from Matthew 1:20–21 quoted in this narrative is taken directly from the World English Bible (WEB) translation.
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